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This year marks a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the terms this generation is using to navigate romance, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This means seeking out someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal habits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your choice to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {